Category: Parenthood

Yes i know, we should feed curiosity kids with correct answers, but at times i get a lil too tired to entertain to hArith’s question, he would ask questions and expect some real specific answers.

Being pregnant and having to deal with 2 other toddlers, it gets a lil bit tiring to answer to al his questions. And he asked a lot, seriously. Every minute they will be question from his mouth, especially when we are in the car, he will look outside and ask all kind of questions.

He was out with me just now to Usana HQ, and he saw a motorbike beat the traffic lite…and the minute i saw the motorbike drove off while the light was still red i knew i gonna had it, endless question from hArith

him: mOmmy, kenapa motor tu jalan. Red stop!!!

mOmmy: ha motor tu tak listen to instruction, must always listen to instruction kan.

him: tp kenapa, kenapa die tak listen instruction

mOmmy: kat school teacher teach die tak listen. hArith listen to auntie2 tak kat school? mommy give instruction pun kena listen kan?

him: listen. tapi kenapa die jalan jugak?

mOmmy: takde orang teach die

him: tapi papa teach harith, Green Go, Red Stop. Kenapa papa die tak teach die?

mommy: mommy tak tau lah kenapa?

him: kenapa mommy tak tau? 

mommy: *silent pause clueless what to answer*

haa…tak ke pengsan masak kepala nk jawab soalan die. i guess at this age around, your kids believe that you know everthing, so never answer “tak tau” to you child

him: tapi die dh jalan, dangerous kan mommy. die dah pegi mane tu?

mommy: haah dangerous.

him: tapi takde accident pun?

and lucky thing there was a tractor by the roadside, his attention then diverted to what was the tractor doing

him: kenapa tractor tu korek jalan mommy? nanti jln tu rosak!

*dah masak kepala nk jawab pasal tractor pulak*

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This entry is based on my personal experience, i guess there is no right or wrong way off weaning off, just would like to share with you how i did as some have requested an entry on this

Basically i had few reason y i wanted to wean them of frm bottle:

• they like to bite the teat of the bottle, where it ended up with a big hole and milk keep on spilling off on the bed
• we ended up buying new teat for the bottles every week, and we have a dozen of bottles, ain’t cheap to repalce 12 teats every week for their Dr Brown bottle
• hArith woke up 3 times a night for milk, i think it was more on the need to pacify on the bottle, i had enough waking up to bf uZAir so i think getting up 3 times to bancuh milk for him was abit too much, i hardly get a complete 1 hour sleep
• i wanted to wean off uZair from BF so i was thinking not to introduce bottle to him or else i’ll have another problem later on to wean him off from bottle, so why create such headache? hihi
• and the final reason that really made me determine to wean them off was when a couple of times i saw 5 and 6 years old kids at shopping mall pacifying on their empty bottle. i find it not a good sight to see such big kids still drinking milk, and what more just biting it pacifying on their empty bottle once finish drinking. And i think it will be more difficult to wean them off at that age as it already turn into habit. So i was determined to end it. (well of coz this is a personal preferance, some have no problem seeing 5 6 years old still drinking with bottle)

So how did i do it?

For me, most important thing was to get them involved. Let them know what’s happening. I purposely did not wash their bottle throughly so there were some stain on it. I quickly call them and showed that their bottles are dirty and made commotion out of it. And of coz a lil exaggerate here and there of how yucky the bottles are. So i told them, we really need to throw the bottles away and we get new bottles with straw like big boys and big gals (and pointed out few older kids at their kindergarten to give them example)

I then made a fiesta time out of it. I place the rubbish bin some distance from the kids and i said lets pray throw into the basket just like how we play basketball. And they get to throw it themselves, (keyword here is to get them involved) each time they miss the basket i would go  “ohhh nooo!, lets do it again” and when they hit it right in i will give such a big applause and scream “YeESSSS!!!!” and give them the biggest smile ever. They tend to enjoy the “fiesta time” and while we do so i would remind them we need to get rid of these bottles coz they are dirty, full of germs, they will get stomache if they use it.

Once the “fiesta” was over i brought them to OU and they get the privilege in choosing their new water bottle. Of coz i brought them to the section of the type of bottle they shuld get, and they choose the colour and such. If they have some their fav cartoon character then it will be easier, hunt for it..im sure they will be thrill to have water bottle of their fav cartoon character.

Meanwhile i also introduce them to fresh milk (ducth lady) so it will be more convenient to give them instead of doing the formula milk. I introduce both, chocolate and original flavour, obviously my kids wont say no to the choc flavour. But every now and then i give them the original flavour. And slowly i reduce giving the choc and gave the original flavour more frequent. When they able to adapt to the original flavour i stop buying the choc flavour and tell them its finish, i only have the original flavour. Oh by the way their formula milk previously was not choc flavour but do u know formula milk are actually sweet? But the normal fresh milk on the other hand are not, thats why they dont like the white fresh milk at first, hence substituting it with the choc flavour while getting them used to drinking without bottle.

And alhamdulillah now i no longer give them the choc flavour but the white milk. I think it was easier because few of their friends at school drink the dutch lady milk (the older kids) so i pointed that out to them they are already big boys n gals like their friend. And innitially if they wanted to have their milk in the new water bottle i would pour it into their bottle, or if they request to have their formula milk in it, i would bancuh in their water bottle.

And surprisingly the day we threw the bottles, both athirAh and hArith didn’t wake up middle of nite asking for milk, i guess they are aware they no longer have bottle and need to sit up right if they wanna drink milk.

So basically that was how i wean off bottle from my kids. Hope this help 😉

*updated after Fiza commented and asked me, how do i get them to sleep without the bottle. Forgot to mention this part

Well initially since i was weaning uZAir off from breastfeed at the same time i wean them off frm bottle, i had to drive uZair around at nite to distract im from asking for milk. We usually return home once he fell asleep. I think that goes on for almost 2 weeks. But however there are times the elder two does not fall asleep during the drive. So once return home, i made it into a routine to get them to drink the milk form the cup before going to bed. I would say like “alrite, time for bed…jom minum susu dlm cup mcm big boy/gal” and i gave them option either to have it in the kotak (cucuk straw) or pour it into the cup (susu sejuk – kotak besar dlm fridge) or pour it into their new water bottle. hArith would usually have this routine of drinking from the cup but athirAh just not bothered, mmg trus tido saje coz malas nk minum gune cup kot…hihi

up until now, before we go to bed i would ask them if they want to have their milk. Previously with bottle, they would have up to 5 times of bottle during the day (160ml) and at night up to 3 times. but since i wean them off from bottle, they tend to eat more. (a lot more! more than i eat! seriously) so they no longer ask for milk that often

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Couple of weeks back, i received a msg from my friend;

” Hanim…i nk ngadu ni…huhu ;-( i’m mentally n physically drained ni…Penat jaga my son, pastu newborn lak mengada manja je…I terpikir camane u boleh jaga ur childrens masa they sakit yek? Mesti susah”

Upon reading her sms, i could feel her. Her son is 3 years and a newborn 2 months plus tak silap. I immediately press on the reply button to reply her msg, but as i was about to type my sms, i suddenly realised i didn’t have an answer to it. Seriously, i didn’t.  I didnt know how to answer to the question “how do u handle your kids”. There isn’t any manual, guideline or Standard operating procedure for it. We handle a minute at a time, one mess at a time. Takyah lah jenuh nk piki siang nanti camane yer, just think of the very next minute cukup, yes a minute at a time.

When people asked me how do i put all 3 to sleep, again i have no answer to it. Every nite is different, I tackle one child at a time. Depending who looks more sleepy than the other. After one sleep, will go to next child, again depending who looks sleepy. So every nite will be a different pattern. And for bedtime, mmg org lain tak laku except for me. There’s no way they will sleep if someone else were to put them to bed. So i’ll be surrounded by all 3 on the bed. But honestly, with the newborn later i really have no idea, clueless how to put all 4 to sleep…hmm…

Last week, we had syauQi home the entire week, the kids bedtime when haywire. Now that syauQi is away for a week, im having a hard time putting them to bed. i really dont know where my kids get their energy. The other night, the 2 boys slept almost 1am, woke up 9-ish and no nap during the day time but yet i had problem puting them to sleep the following nite. Uzair ended up sleeping slightly pass midnite, (after a great battle with him! – lights were off but he was still jumping up and down to the music thats already in his heart; The Wiggles of coz). Gosh, where do they get their energy. Even if they were to take their nap, it will be just 30 mins and that would keep them wide awake at night.

Anyway, back to the sms above, i told syauQi and asked him “hmm camane nk jawab you, how do we do it?” Ended up syauQi pun dont know wat to answer, so he suggested to reply to the sms with words of encouragement, asking her to hang in there. Well, look on the bright side, nanti anak dh besar, we can have our Me Time all to ourselves. (provided i really stop at 4 kids lah kn, hihihi)

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Wuish agak tersentap when i received this comment for my previous blog entry:

“Have you heard of the word PLANNING? Allah gives mind to think kan…” -KT

At first i wanted to be uncynical, giving the benefit of doubt, maybe KT was referring to daily activities planning so i could cope with all 3 kids. but looks like all other commentors understood it as family planning. So i interpreted it correctly in the first place. Family Planning…

Well KT, in the first place i wasnt complaining that having 3 kids menyusahkan my life. i was raising the concern of ensuring they get the fullest attention and love from me and seeking advise from other readers on how do i do that. Every human being has his/her weakness. Hence there are times i loose my patience in raising my kids

Maybe i should give some extra information to KT. My period is irregular coz i have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ever since i first gotten my period. I’ve went to see various gynae (even before getting married) and all confirm i have PCOS. Of coz the doctors raised the issue on difficulty in conceiving and such. Pompuan mane yg tak takut if takleh pregnant, but i tawakal n leave it to Allah. Ive undergone various hormone treatment (i.e pil perancang) for my PCOS.

I didnt conceive immediately after getting married. We waited for 1 1/2 years. Maybe it was part of Allah’s plan since i was still a student; in my final year back then.  Getting my period on irregular basis (average of 4 times a year) i knew it wouldnt be that easy for me to conceive. But Alhamdulillah, I was blessed with triplets after 1 1/2 years waiting.  And again, Allah have better plans, Arwah Alesya left us after 3 days. And to our surprise 4 months later we found out i was pregnant. MasyaAllah.

This time around, it came to us as a bigger surprise. Despite having PCOS and not getting my period for the past months, i found out i was pregnant. For us, it is indeed a sign that Allah have faith in me to handle His lil’ Khalifah. When i went to see the gynae, we couldnt calculate my EDD based on my last period sbb last period was almost 4 months ago. Thus we go to according to the size of fetus.

I have friends getting their period on the dot every months, yet having problem to conceive. I feel very blessed with the rezeki that Allah gives us. Alhamdulillah.

And insyaAllah, by the time our kids all grown up, we havent reach our retirement age, still fit to enjoy life, going around the world. Takde lah dah pencen tapi masih anta amiq anak from skool ;). This is indeed our PLAN. insyaAllah

p/s: to all other commentors, thanks alot for ur kind words of support and encouragement. Thank You

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I wish i can be a calm mother who talks to her children in the softest voice.

I wish to give them the total freedom in growing up as a toddler.

But instead,  i ended up screaming, yelling and cubit-ing my kids.

We just got back from a short family trip ( a separate entry of the trip soon), it was suppose to be a family getaway, time to enjoy the moments together but it ended up with some stressful events. I came home and reflect back on the things that happen, and i felt bad. I was expecting too much from my kids. I was countless on how many thousand times i (n husband) scolded the kids, saying “listen hArith! Listen!!” obviously that poor boy wish to roam around freely, exploring the new place but we kept screaming asking him to follow instruction, it restricted his movement a lot. I felt bad each time i (or husband) had to say this “hArith dah big boy kan, listen lah”

Bila piki balik, kesian die. He just turn 3 and we are already expecting hi m to be the big abang, sume mende nk buat kena marah. Ye lah, kids every now and then nak lah kan do new things, but that ended up getting scolded by us. It feel sad bile piki balik, my friends yg anak sorang (of the same age like my elder 2) getting full attention from both parents. Nak buat ape, ade one of the parents akan follow his/her  “adventure in exploring new things”. But we on the other hand, ended up screaming “mommy said must behave kan? Sit down  properly”

Seriously it is sad to have such situation. I feel unfair. Other kids are growing up according to their age, while im expecting my 2 and 3 years old kids to be following every single instruction. That’s a bit too much aight. Other kids getting full attention a ratio of 2 adults: 1 child while we on the other hand trying to divide our love and attention of a ratio 2 adult: 3 children.  And soon we will be having ratio of 2 adult:4 children InsyaAllah. Yes mmg ade je other family with 4 kids, but im talking about having 4 kids under the age of 4 years.  While other 2 and 3 years old are still the one and only “baby” in the house, my kids are force to be big boys / big gal.

Well, as much as i feel bad about it. But i can’t help it. How do i bring all 3 to eat outside without screaming at them to sit down properly when one starts running? And obviously others will follow suit.

Seriously, i want to be a loving mother, a mother whom my children will love and respect. And a gentle mother who treats their children with respects too. I want to be mother who raises them in such a nurturing environment that encourages them to be creative and well rounded lil khalifah of Allah instead of depriving them from exploring their surroundings. I hate it when i have to scream at them, calling them back whenever they were about to start exploring the place. Oh Allah, how do i be a mother who needs not force and scream to them whenever instruction is given, how do i discipline them without the need of force, screaming, yelling and worst of all cubit?

It makes me wanna cry whenever i see my kids crying after kena cubit. I would feel deep inside me “gosh what did i just do??” Im not too sure now does “cubit” really works, sbb macam tak makan saman gak. Im afraid they will ended up having hatred in them towards us.

I really feel bad whenever they need me, but im short of hands (and patients) and ended up ‘leaving them to cry’. I really feel bad that im asking them to grow up and act like big kids while they are only 2 years n 3 years old kids. It really makes me feel bad when i have to leave uZAir crying on the floor when what he wants is to be cuddled and clings to his mom. Thats what a 2 year old boy usually does aight? But im on the other hand will be mumbling away “ish jgn ngada2 lah uZair, mommy tak larat”. athirAh is my lil adventurer who loves to climb. But everytime die climb meja, kusi, almari, cabinet she’ll ended up kena marah. Been wanting to bring her to the putrajaya wall climbing but have yet made a trip there.

I really have to find a new methodology is raising 3 toddlers, a new kind gentle way that no screaming and yelling is needed BUT instruction understood. Is this ever possible? Please share with me! Hmm maybe i have to start bukak balik my phsychology books. But then again most theory tu cam very old skool, don’t think it can be applied to my kids now. Theory and practical is never the same aight.

Every nite, when i watch them asleep, i will pause and reflect; things we did. And i feel regret for not being the mother they deserve. And i think syauQi is also losing his patients with the kids. At times i actually feel relieved that he goes to work for couple of days coz that would be a break for him from the kids and hoping that he comes back feeling rejuvenated to handle the kids.

Maybe i should bring them to the small stream petang ni as hArith has been asking for that the past few weeks. But i didn’t bring him cause nausea hit me pretty bad. Oh btw, my boy pelat “r” die sebut “l” instead. So instead of saying river he says “mommy jom pegi liver” hihi

Well, Sorry kids for spoiling ur holiday

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